So much of the way that we are perceived, valued, and even speak of ourselves is based on that perennial question; ‘so, what do you do?’ as a way to gauge another person. We are also conditioned by capitalism to rate our own and each other’s value by how much we ‘get done’. The idea of sitting down for a rest when the washing up, accounts, emails, etc. need doing can leave us feeling slack, indulgent or even that most problematic of words; ‘lazy’.
For those who have been living up to the edge of energy resources, menopausal changes in the communication between brain and hormones and blood sugar balance can tip us over the edge of coping. This can commonly show up as reliance on sugar or stimulants to keep going, which can worsen a downward energy spiral.
The novelty and fear of ‘not doing’
When we do allow ourselves to stop, coming down from those up-and-ready states of the sympathetic nervous system towards the recuperation and regathering resources of the parasympathetic nervous system can feel tricky if we don’t spend much time allowing
ourselves to simply be.
Part of the unease we might feel where slowing down is unfamiliar, is panic that we won’t be able to be as productive and therefore ‘useful’ to society. Productivity and overworking is fetishized, as is tiredness (how many couples or work colleagues almost compete for who can work the longest or who is the most exhausted by their different pressures?!). We may feel it is easier to keep going than to face aspects of ourselves we prefer to avoid or ignore. Many feel that if left alone with their thoughts, they may become overwhelmed or consumed with anxiety. This all points to how we can become stuck in sympathetic dominance, where the normality of the survival response and the hyper-vigilance it brings can set in. The familiarity of how we’ve lived before can seem easier and safer, even if it’s leading to burnout.
When we have less energy or we’re tired, this ‘lesser’ can be perceived as a sign of ‘weakness’ – an uncomfortable feeling if our self-protection strategies are based on presenting ourselves as strong and capable. Coming down into states or practices that invite space and feeling also allow us to feel vulnerability, and that can feel extremely challenging. Of course, this is symptomatic of an ableist society: those who have no choice but to rest, because of mental or physical health or ability, and cannot ‘perform’ at this peak level are often marginalized.
As Brené Brown states:
Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.
Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.’ Brown also observes that we cannot be selective about what we feel; numbing ourselves to painful or difficult feelings can also mean we miss more enjoyable sensations too. Living life to the full, and therefore adapting to change with ease, means experiencing the full spectrum of human emotion.
Acknowledging the necessity of lower energy From an energetic perspective, it is vital to acknowledge when you are at a low ebb and allow yourself to experience that. This can be new
to choose to recognize and state, ‘ am tired’ or even ‘I’m exhausted’ in a neutral, non-judgemental way. This may set off a cascade of fear and aversion around how much you have to do. Recognizing these as protective patterns is important in order to meet objective truth: if you are tired, you need to rest, recuperate, and regather resources.
This doesn’t mean you are ineffectual or ready to be put out to pasture; simply that you may have too many demands to meet, expect too much of yourself and/or that you haven’t learned to recognize the oundary of enough. This may be a prompt to examining where you can make more space or ask for help, especially if you tend to support others’ needs above your own (see Chapter 11).
The primal urge to move and do
Tendencies to continually put our energy towards doing, striving and seeking are not our fault. These are the primal urges that in nature would provide the motivation to do the hard work of hunting, gathering, creating shelter and staying safe. This translates easily to being a consumer in a capitalist culture – if we are content and believe we have or that we are enough, selling us more things is difficult. This sense of lack is what keeps the wheels (or servers) of industry turning.
To cut through the insidious psychology of marketing and sales to recognize we don’t need the next, new thing is to free ourselves from this tyranny and have a chance to breathe.
being able to recognize when you need, and allowing time tor recovery, is a skill worth developing in the transition towards the more mature wisdom of sustainable energy. It might feel harder than simply continuing to (or attempting to!) keep doing what you have always done, but as your biology shifts, your mindset needs to follow. This is not to lose purpose, drive, interest, worth or presence in society, but rather to step into the place of stability that comes from the perspective of space, ease and hindsight.
In the fight-or-flight response, this biological readiness for action or self-protection routes energy to the heart, large muscles (especially the legs) and brain as the main organ of survival. Keeping that up can feel exhausting, not just from physical depletion, but also from the huge brain drain to maintain vigilance and quick thinking.
Our brains demand more energy relative to the size of our bodies than other animals. Even in resting states, the brain uses up around 25 per cent of our total calorific output (how we metabolize or essentially burn fuel for energy). When stressed, that goes up to around 75 per cent. So even sitting, over-thinking, we’re using huge resources. Soothing the nervous system spares overuse of energy and allows the more sustainable ‘middle path’ (not too little, not too much).
Tired? You are not the problem
At this time of life, messages from media and social conditioning suggest that we should keep behaving as if we are in our twenties.
The reality is that energy declines as we age and at its most elegant, this can ease us into a more sedate way of living. For some of us, this might seem like a bit of a relief after the frenetic younger years, while for others, it might feel frustrating, confusing, even frightening, as life is set up to be lived a certain way. You might feel personal resistance to change or feel others’ resistance to you changing.
Avoiding inevitable change itself creates more energy highs and lows as the stress needed to keep up with unrealistic demands becomes more abrasive. Naturally easing energy is not enough to sustain any patterns of overextension maintained before perimenopause.
Menopause can be the proverbial ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’.
A study of 300 women in Ecuador reported that almost 20 per cent of premenopausal women reported periods of physical and mental exhaustion, which rose to over 46 per cent during perimenopause and 85 per cent after menopause.2
Several aspects of menopause in the modern world feed into fatigue:
• Inadequate rest: Few daytime breaks, evening wind down or deep
sleep-
• Screen use: Blue light (UV) fires up the front brain and stimulates activity in the HPA axis – in the evening, this also affects sleep.
• Exercise without recovery: This depletes muscle tissues and energy reserves (glucagon in muscle and liver).
• Brain fog: This aspect of hormone changes can make everything teel harder, especially without adequate daily rest.
• Inflammation: A prominent aspect of modern degenerative disease.
It also keeps the immune system running on overdrive.
• Blood sugar highs and lows: (page 41) Worse with processed foods.
• Increased medication: Prescriptions to combat symptoms caused by not adapting to changing hormones and energy levels can create more issues. Where the root is not addressed, the issues will mostly remain unresolved.